Anglican Hymn Parodies

 Tune: "The Church's One Foundation"

By Fr. Robert McMeekin, 2007

Our community's stated purpose
Is gracious mass-appeal,
It's in our Mission Statement
Reflecting how we feel:
No "lifestyle choice" appalls us,
C'mon you're welcome here!
Throw out that moral compass,
There's no one here to steer.

 Tune: In Dulci Jubilo

By Joe Long, 2007

Good pe-ee-eeple, rejoice!

With ev'ry diverse voice;

Give you heed to joyous news:

We have all-inclusive pews!

Now you need not fear the church,

Friendly to each seeker’s search –

Broad is our pathway –

Broad is our pathway!

Good pee-ee-eeple, rejoice!

In ev’ry human cho-oi-oice;

Lifestyles are so fun to live

(‘Specially when Alternative)

Each respected equally

(And all at risk for [some disease]) –

(So please use one of these...

Please use one of these!)

Good peee-ee-eeple, be free-ee-ee,

From thinking narrow-lee-ee-ee;

Leave the old Book on the shelf –

Find your own way to Godself!

We’ve no more rock of offense –

Come bask in our tolerance!

Broad is our pathway –

Broad is our pathway!

 Tune: St. Thomas

By Joe Long, 2007

Rise up, women, roughshod!

Have done with lesser feuds:

For by thy strength and sisterhood

Thy churches are subdued.

Rise up, women, and prod

Your males to church this day:

Fear not the patriarchal past -

Now it’s all done your way.

Rise up, and censor God!

Fret, harry, nag, and rage,

‘Til ne’er a masculine pronoun

Profane the sacred page!

Rise up, women roughshod!

Till all the word shall see -

And tremble in abject fear before

Thy sensitivity!

 Tune: Battle Hymn

By Joe Long, 2007

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of Godself -

Emanating from penumbras there wherein the Godself dwellth -

S/he is sending forth suggestions we should socialize the wealth -

Godself is marching on!

She, he, it, they, you and meeeeee!

She, he, it, they, you and meeeeee!

She, he, it, they, you and meeeeee!

Godself is all of us!

I have seen Godself's reflection in Mohammed's Thousand Names,

And the Buddhist and the Hindu Godselves really are the same -

So don't try to be Godselfish and put down your old King James -

Godself is marching on... 

 Tune: "When I Survey"

By luthien, 2007

(on ThinkingChritian.net)

When I survey the injustice

which on this planet earth abounds

the rich's gains should all be lost

redistributed to the Rest.

When I behold the oppression

to which all womyn are subjected

by evil patriarchal men

I turn to God for mothering.

 Tune: “The Church’s One Foundation” 

By Mike, 2007

(on ThinkingChritian.net)

Our church’s one foundation

Is sensitivity

If you are seeking Jesus

This is the place to be

“Judge not lest ye be judged”

That is our only creed

If your lifestyle’s altered

We’ll meet all your felt needs

Our PowerPoints are brilliant

Thanks to the folks at Dell

We’ll take on any subject

That is, except for Hell

Our lives are full of purpose

Why don’t you come on in?

We won’t use ancient labels

Like “wickedness” and “sin”

We call ourselves authentic

(That means we cuss a ton)

We may not preach the Bible

But coffee’s always on.

Jesus, he has a message

For me as well as you

His wisdom for all seekers:

“To thine ownself be true.”

 Tune: “A Mighty Fortress” 

By Dcn. Michael D. Harmon, 2007

A mighty Mother is our God

A nurturing presence daily.

A helper She amidst the flood

Of sexist males a-wailing.

Now still Her ancient foe,

The Pope in Rome must go.

His power it is failing.

Mid mystic runes and Druidic rites

We fill our chapels wholly

And give up bread and dark red wine

For quilting bees and doilies.

We won't confront you with your sin

Such things we've put behind us.

You're welcome here with any past

In truth, we will encourage lust.

So be done with priests and monks and such

And celebrate the Goddess.

She is the One for all our trust

She nevermore will chide us.

 Tune: “Amazing Grace” 

By Clifford Simon, 2007

Demanded Grace! How right the sound

That hastens God my plea:

I once was raw, but now the Law

Reached tend'rly out to me.

'Twas Grace that taught me ne'er to fear

And Grace makes us the same:

How easy does that Grace appear

The hour I might feel blame.

Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already went.

(Alas, if I leave more for you!

I can't think to repent!)

When we've stayed here ten thousand years

And thought ourselves the sun

It's no less crime to waste God's time

Than when we first begun.

Tune: "Seek Ye First"

By David Fischler, 2007

Seek ye first the kingdom of Self

And your own fulfillment,

And ev'ry thing your heart desires,

Will come to you, alleluia.

Look to the needs that stir your soul,

Proclaim them to the world;

Demand what's yours by Divine right,

Take what you want, alleluia.

Know what gladdens your Inner Child

Look to your own happiness;

If chanting mantras floats your boat,

Go for the gold, alleluia.

Do all you can to sate yourself,

But watch that carbon footprint;

Worship the earth, and do as you please

Allelu, alleluia!

Tune: "Crown Him with Many Crowns"

By Christopher Hathaway, 2007

Take down the crucifix

That patriarchal sign

Is out of step with our idea

Of life and love divine.

It speaks of pain and fear

And only can oppress,

A symbol of a wrathful god

And faith we can’t confess

Cast out the hateful ones

Who say we must repent.

We know that goddess made us good

And guilt’s not heaven sent.

However we are born,

That’s how we’re meant to be.

There is no right or wrong in love.

We love diversity.

Remove the texts that speak

Of sin and awful wrath.

Cast out the old judgmental thoughts

And take another path,

Affirming as it winds

To broad inclusive gates.

The bliss of everyone’s desire

Is surely what awaits 

Tune: Old Hundredth 

By John, 2007

(on ThinkingChritian.net)

All people who on earth do dwell

Sing to Ga-ia with cheerful voice

Earth serve with fear, the green bin choose,

Come ye before it and re-use.

All activists of greenish stripe

All smokers of the hashish pipe

Render to earth its bounden due

And join with Mother Gaia's crew.

The ice caps are melting apace,

The forests dying without trace,

The earth is raped! The end is nigh!

And we note, with heaving sigh

Administrative fa-i-lure

To ratify, join and assure

The Protocol for Greenhouse gas

No planting bigger biomass.

Defend, O Gaia, self divine,

Advance thou green agendas mine,

Cut off opponents without ruth,

Deaf to Inconvenient Truth.

 Tune: “A Mighty Fortress” 

By Joe Long, 2007

Of left-wing causes is our church

Eternally supportive.

From fad to modern fad we lurch,

Each shallower and more short-lived.

Our consciousness is raised,

By media we’re praised!

Our craft and power are great –

Abetted by the state,

On earth is not our equal!

Did we to Christian truth restrict

Ourselves, ‘twould be horrendous.

Its letter cold would contradict

Our self-indulgent splendors.

Let creed and conscience go

And decency also;

The Lord’s name we intone

For reasons of our own –

Advancing our agendas.

 Tune: “Just as I Am ” 

By Patrick Davis, 2007

 Just as I am without one need,

'Cause that's the way Thou madest me

And that Thou guardeth my self-esteem

Oh, Womb of Godde, I come, I come!

Just as I am, no need for change.

It isn't me but the church that's strange;

And certain texts we'll rearrange

Oh, Womb of Godde, I come, I come!

Ok, just one more...

My Jesus, I love me; I know I am fine.

If I were Hindu, I’d be divine!

I am so astonishing that You agree.

Enough about You now, let's sing more about me!

Tune: "Crown Him with Many Crowns"

By Patrick Davis, 2007

Crown us with many crowns, each one upon his throne.

Hark! How our faith in Progress drowns

All voices but our own!

Awake, forget the past, for glory lies ahead,

And justice we shall have at last

When all dissent is dead.

Crown us the lords of life, for science tells us all.

An end shall come to war and strife

When all men heed our call.

We'll ensure equal rights, consult minorities,

Destroy all the Religious Right,

And make insurance free.

Stalin was not so bad; our admiration's grown.

Those labor camps were just a fad,

It's all been overblown!

And Castro still is key, just ask the NCC.

What heavenly bliss it must be

To live communally!

Tune: "Faith of Our Fathers"

By Nathan, 2007

(on ThinkingChritian.net)

Faith of our Mothers, living still,

in spite of the Patriarchy.

O’ see our chins held high with joy,

as we defeat the bourgeoisie.

Faith of our Mothers! Gaia faith!

We shall be true to Thee till death!

Jesus our Mother and our friend,

with us thou doest surely agree:

Muhammad, Buddha and Ganesh,

great prophets all equal to Thee.

Faith of our Mothers! Sophia!

We shall be true to Thee till death!

Spirit our Womb, giver of life

Lead us to Thy truth pluriform.

Convert those who, with narrow minds,

try to undo our Church reforms.

Faith of our Mothers! Open mind!

We shall be true to Thee till death!

Mother, O’ Mother, maker of all,

who gives us equal dignity:

gay and straight, Christian and not,

each welcome to this altar of She.

Faith of our Mothers! Newfound Faith!

We shall be true to Thee till death! 

Tune: St. Athanasius

By James A. Altena, 2007

Wholly, wholly, wholly bored!

Godless rot, infernal thing,

By the heav'ns and earth abhorred;

Angels and Archangels cringe.

Ranting everlastingly --

That's the modern Liturgy!

Since the SLC it made,

And to TEC did give,

Be to them blood money paid,

Blame to them let all things give!

Reeking everlastingly --

That's the modern Liturgy!

Thousands, tens of thousands stand,

Spirits crushed, they writhe and groan,

Blathering upon command,

Banalities as they moan.

Whining everlastingly --

That's the modern Liturgy!

Cherubim and seraphim

Veil their faces with their wings;

Eyes of angels with tears brim

To behold such wretched things.

Weeping everlastingly

At the modern Liturgy!

Thee, apostles, prophets, thee,

Thee, the noble martyr band,

Hide, so that you might not see

This, the Church now built on sand.

Rotting everlastingly --

That's the modern Liturgy!

Modalism! One as Three

Mother, Child, Spirit -- not Ghost!

Each week new idolatry,

Blaspheming the heav'nly host.

Changing everlastingly --

That's the modern Liturgy!

 Tune: “The Church’s One Foundation” 

By Fr. James M. Deschene, 2007

The Anglican Communion

Was mightily distressed

When bishops of ECUSA

Their heresies expressed,

And in Convention showed not

Repentance or regret,

But chose to walk their own path,

Firm in their own ways set.

Political correctness

And chic diversity --

These are our church’s hallmarks,

And quite our cup of tea.

We follow where the winds blow,

We are the church of NOW.

We’re new Episcopalians

And trendier than thou.

Our gospel is inclusive.

(The other one’s passé.)

We welcome all the sexes –

Transgendered, les-bi-gay.

And though we’re loudly preaching

Our relevant good news,

We are a tad perplexed by

So many empty pews.

“To God alone be glory” –

This used to be our song.

With Kathryn Jefferts Schori

It likely won’t be long

Before we change our lyric

And sing another tune –

Not Father, Son and Spirit,

But Mother, Child and Womb.

Our church has no foundation

And Christ is not her Lord.

She is our new creation

By our own mighty word.

The Bible’s too oppressive,

And morals leave us bored.

Who then is our salvation?

It’s our own selves – adored.

 Tune: Monk

By Lionel Deimel, 2009

Refrain:  

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all.

E. coli and streptococcus,
And viruses causing the flu:
He made all these little buggers
Just to pester me and you. (Refrain)

The python and anaconda,
And all of those mushrooms that kill,
The shark and alligator
Are agents of God’s will. (Refrain)

Volcano, flood, and tsunami,
And meteors come from the sky:
They all are God’s creations,
Even though they may horrify. (Refrain)